Positivity is not simply some feel-good idea; it is a way to experience a better way of being; to be healthier, to be more resilient, to broaden our perspective and our responses, to deepen our relationships. Within the Excelerated Life™ program, the three principles of Positivity/Happiness contain foundational practices upon which the Excelerated Life™ is built.
Title Photo by Cottonbro Studio
The Power of a Smile
In a bustling city, with the rush of commuters and the hum of traffic, lived Jack. Jack was a street musician who played his guitar on a busy street corner every day, hoping to earn enough to make ends meet. Despite his struggles, Jack wore a perpetual smile on his face.
One day, as Jack strummed his guitar and sang with all his heart, a young woman named Sarah hurried past, lost in her own world of worries. But as she passed by Jack, his infectious smile caught her eye, briefly lifting her spirits.
Intrigued, Sarah stopped and listened to Jack’s music for a while. The melody seemed to wash away her stress, and she found herself smiling along with him. After dropping a few bills into Jack’s guitar case, Sarah continued on her way, feeling lighter and more hopeful than she had in days.
She didn’t realize it at the time, but that brief moment of connection with Jack’s positivity would stay with Sarah long after she left the street corner. Inspired by his simple yet powerful gesture, she decided to start each day with a smile, greeting the world with a positive outlook.
In the weeks that followed, Sarah noticed a remarkable change in her life. Small setbacks seemed less daunting, and moments of joy felt even sweeter. She found herself attracting positivity and kindness wherever she went, creating ripple effects of happiness that touched everyone she encountered.
As for Jack, he continued to strum his guitar on the street corner, his smile serving as a beacon of hope for all who passed by. Little did he know, his music and positivity were not just filling the air with melody but also lighting up the lives of those around him, one smile at a time.
What Is Positivity?
Over the course of a day or a week, we experience a range of emotions and moods, some pleasant, some not so much, some downright disagreeable. [Fredrickson and Losada] We may think these emotions are fleeting, and they generally are. But over time, our emotional reactions can become habitually ingrained in our brains.
Dr. Joe Dispenza tells us that when we have a thought and an emotion, it fires a series of neural activity in our brains. As we repeat that thought or feeling, our brain begins to wire itself into a pattern, creating pathways of beliefs and habits.
Over time, your emotions become habitual and ingrained in your brain. This can lead to a positive or negative mood. If your emotions are mostly positive, you tend toward a positive mood. But if your emotions tend to be negative, your mood will be negative. And then?
“What happens when that recently triggered mood lingers? You’ve been in a bit of a funk since that day, and now you look around the room during a staff meeting and all you think of is that this person’s tie is hideous, and the nasally tone of your boss is worse than nails on a chalkboard.
“At this point, you’re not just in a mood. You’re reflecting a temperament, a tendency toward the habitual expression of an emotion through certain behaviors. A temperament is an emotional reaction with a refractory period that lasts from weeks to months.
“Eventually, if you keep the refractory period of an emotion going for months and years, that tendency turns into a personality trait. At that point others will describe you as ‘bitter’ or ‘resentful’ or ‘angry’ or ‘judgmental’.
“Our personality traits, then, are frequently based in our past emotions. Most of the time, personality (how we think, act, and feel) is anchored in the past. So to change our personalities, we have to change the emotions that we memorize. We have to move out of the past.” [Dispenza]
Psychologists have identified a range of feelings and attitudes, ranging from “positive affect” or positivity (such as “feeling grateful, upbeat, expressing appreciation, liking”) to “negative affect” or negativity (such as “feeling contemptuous, irritable, expressing disdain, disliking”). [Fredrickson and Losada] We experience both positive and negative emotions and experiences, and our moods, our temperaments, and ultimately our personalities display the results. If we have more pleasant and positive thoughts and emotions than we have negative ones, over time we can develop a positive affect. This is the aim of Excelerated Positivity™!
What Is Flourishing?
Dr. Barbara Fredickson, a noted researcher and author in the field of Positive Psychology, writes that flourishing “means to live within an optimal range of human functioning, one that connotes goodness, generativity, growth, and resilience.” [Fredrickson and Losada] Think of a healthy plant that is thriving with rich soil, ample water, and plenty of sunshine. That plant is flourishing.
Then consider a neglected plant, planted in poor soil and receiving little attention. That plant will slowly wither and eventually die. That is definitely not flourishing. Fredrickson tells us that the opposite of flourishing may be psychological disorders, but it is also the condition of “languishing” – feeling empty or hollow, having no drive, and with little reason to get out of bed in the morning. [Fredrickson and Losada]
Research shows that “fewer than 20% of U.S. adults flourish”. As for the rest, “the costs of languishing are high”, leading to “more emotional distress, psychosocial impairment, limitations in daily activities, and lost work days”. [Fredrickson and Losada]
But Dr. Fredrickson has learned that there is a “tipping point”, a positivity ratio that, when you meet it, leads to flourishing. That ratio, that tipping point, is 3:1 — three positive experiences and emotions for every negative one. [Fredrickson]
How Does Positivity Lead to Flourishing?
Dr. Fredrickson ends her book, Positivity, by noting some facts about positivity, based on her research and the research of other psychologists. These facts include:
- Positivity feels good.
- Positivity broadens minds.
- Positivity builds resources.
- Positivity fuels resilience.
- Positivity ratios above 3 to 1 forecast flourishing.
[Fredrickson]
But let’s not stop there. Fredrickson goes on to explain how the interplay among these aspects of positivity gives us much more than these single facts.
For example, the fact that positivity feels good causes us to seek out more of it. “Because,” she writes, “‘feeling good’ provides both incentive and reward for flourishing. It drives the system and provides the fuel.” [Fredrickson]
Fact 2, positivity broadens minds and opens us up to new ideas and new experiences. When Fact 2 joins the party, Fredrickson says, “eyes widen and new ideas pop.” [Fredrickson] This is crucial for us to be able to break old habits and patterns of behavior and try new things, new ways of being.
Fact 3 works with the others so that over time we build momentum and begin an upward spiral toward flourishing This upward spiral “creates the dynamic energy that ushers in Fact 4”, and we see and feel our resiliency building. And this interaction among the first four Facts opens us up to the positivity ratio and the tipping point of 3 or more positive experiences to each negative one, and forecasts our ability to progress down the road to flourishing.
All this brings us to a sixth fact, and it may be the most important of all: Fact 6 – People can raise their positivity ratios. [Fredrickson] Without Fact 6, the other facts would be of little practical value to us. With Fact 6, we now know that we have the ability and power to influence and increase our own positivity, and reap the benefits of the other facts.
The Positivity/Happiness Principles
Empirical research indicates that increased positivity leads to better health, better relationships, better decision-making, increased creativity, and more resiliency, as we’ve seen in Barbara Fredrickson’s “6 Facts”. These principles give you specific ways to broaden and build your own reserves of positivity.
In one of the earliest books on Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman identified three factors that determine your level of positivity. These are (1) your happiness “set point”, the environmental and genetic factors that predispose you to a certain level of positivity; (2) the circumstances of your life; and (3) those things under your voluntary control. [Seligman] Research has determined that we have the power to influence a large chunk of our happiness — about 40%, which represents those things under our control. Taking steps to increase your positivity builds a strong foundation on which to create your Excelerated Life™.
Within the Excelerated Life™ program, the area of Positivity/Happiness comes under the Foundation section. This section contains the underlying practices upon which the Excelerated Life™ is built. The three principles of Positivity/Happiness include Excelerated Strengths™, Excelerated Relationships™, and Excelerated Positivity™. Here’s a quick look at each principle.
Excelerated Strengths™ – Discovering and Using Your Signature Strengths
The VIA Character Strengths originated from a group headed by Dr. Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology and Dr. Chris Peterson, a distinguished researcher and scientist. The task they set for themselves was to define and classify human strengths, similar to the way the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) classifies and defines mental disorders. They envisioned a method to identify the traits that enable people to flourish just as the DSM allowed professionals to identify the traits of mental disorders in order to treat them successfully. [Seligman]
Martin Seligman, Chris Peterson, and their team began by surveying all the wisdom literature: Aristotle and Plato, Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine, the Old Testament and the Talmud, the Quran, Confucius, Buddha, the Tao, Benjamin Franklin — about 200 “virtue catalogs” altogether. [Seligman]
They found that each one of these traditions endorsed six virtues. The virtues are wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and humanity, justice, temperance, and spirituality. These six virtues can be further classified into twenty-four strengths of character, which we all have in varying degrees.
The VIA Character Strengths Test allows you to see how these twenty-four strengths are deployed in your unique personality. Each of us has all twenty-four character strengths to some degree, but we generally tend to use some of them more often. The top five or six that are most natural for you to use are called your Signature Strengths. You are empowered, positive, energized, and connected when you use your strengths.
Excelerated Relationships™ – Nurturing Ties to Other People
Relationships are a necessary part of a life of flourishing, well-being, and meaning. They are so important that Martin Seligman made relationships a core part of PERMA, his well-being theory.
Flourishing is one of the outcomes we look for when we embrace an Excelerated Life™. And flourishing as a human being requires that we have “warm and trusting relationships with other people”. Research shows that those of us who flourish spend more time in the company of others and less time alone. [Fredrickson]
Sonja Lyubomirsky, another eminent Positive Psychologist, has also extensively studied how relationships boost happiness. Dr. Lyubomirsky says we have an innate desire to seek out and maintain strong, stable, and positive interpersonal relationships. She has found that a sense of belonging impacts our physical and mental health in a positive way. In short, people with strong social support are healthier and live longer. [Lyuobmirsky]
Relationships make a difference in us. With a little knowledge and the desire to contribute to them, you have the capability to deepen any and all of your important relationships.
Excelerated Positivity™ – Building the Skills in Positivity That Help You Flourish
Excelerated Positivity™ is the third principle in the area of Positivity/Happiness, the third leg of the stool. Let’s review Barbara Fredrickson’s six facts about positivity as we discussed earlier.
Positivity feels good. The inner glow we derive from positive feelings motivates us to seek out more. Unfortunately, we sometimes try to satisfy that urge through shortcuts, like drinking too much, using recreational drugs, or feeding other addictions. The six facts lead us to find true positivity by healthy means, improving not only our own lives but the world around us.
Positivity broadens minds. Positivity doesn’t just change bad thoughts for good, it changes how the mind works. When you focus on positivity, the boundaries of your mind broaden, allowing you to see a bigger picture. You become more flexible.
Positivity builds resources. Individual positive experiences are often fleeting, but the results build over time, providing you with more resources for creating a good life. Positivity sets you on a path of growth.
Positivity fuels resilience. Positive emotions can pull you away from the downward spiral of circular thinking brought about by negativity. It changes your physical response to stress, lowering blood pressure and slowing your heart rate. Even during dark times, positivity helps keep you on an even keel and allows you to bounce back faster.
Positivity ratios above 3 to 1 forecast flourishing. Scientific studies have pinpointed the “tipping point” for positivity at 3 to 1, or 3 positive experiences or emotions for every negative one. The average for most of us is 2 to 1 or less. When you reach the tipping point of 3 to 1 or higher, a transformation occurs. Your life takes on new meaning and you begin to experience growth, to make a positive difference in your world.
The good news is you can raise your positivity ratio. You contain within you the potential for a life focused on negatives, plodding along at the 2 to 1 ratio, or worse. You also contain within you the potential to positively flourish, to grow and to become a better person. To improve yourself and, by doing so, improve the world around you.
Negative Vs. Positive Emotions
Of course, we will never experience all happy thoughts, all of the time. Nor would we want to. Remember that 3 to 1 tipping point for flourishing? Barbara Fredrickson tells us that there may be a second tipping point, the upward limits of flourishing where we could cease to see any further benefits. That second tipping point is 11 to 1. [Fredrickson]
This is pretty much conjecture, though, as there probably aren’t many of us who never have any negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences. And in fact, certain benefits come from some negative emotions. For example, negative emotions are valuable in times of danger. They narrow our focus and through physiological changes, prepare our bodies to escape the danger or to stand and fight it.
John Gottman, who has spent years studying what makes relationships work, has suggested some negative emotions may be healthy and helpful. [Fredrickson] For example, “anger and engagement in conflict can be healthy and productive”, but expressions of disgust or contempt are “more corrosive”. [Fredrickson] We could also draw a distinction between guilt, a helpful negative emotion, and shame, an unhelpful one. Guilt prods us to make amends for a wrong or immoral action we’ve taken. Shame, though, doesn’t come from what we did – we see it as who we are. [Fredrickson]
So, anger and guilt and similar emotions, “deliver surgical strikes of negativity”. [Fredrickson] They offer us a chance to improve ourselves and our relationships, and then they end. Other unhelpful emotions, such as contempt and shame cloud our vision and are hard to get over. “Negativity that is appropriate is specific and correctable,” writes Fredrickson. “Negativity that is inappropriate is more often gratuitous and global.” Then, watch out! Your negative emotions become a negative mood become a negative temperament and “dominate the whole emotional texture of [your] life”. [Fredrickson]
What Improved Positivity Does
We can see, then, that while some negative emotions are inevitable and can be helpful, we accrue far more benefits from improving our positivity.
“In becoming happier,” psychologist and researcher Sonja Lyuobomirsky writes in The How of Happiness, “we not only boost experiences of joy, contentment, love, pride, and awe but also improve other aspects of our lives: our energy levels, our immune systems, our engagement with work and with other people, and our physical and mental health. In becoming happier, we bolster as well our feeling of self-confidence and self-esteem; we come to believe that we are worthy human beings, deserving of respect. A final and perhaps least appreciated plus is that if we become happier, we benefit not only ourselves but also our partners, families, communities, and even society at large.” [Lyuobomirsky]
Here are some of the benefits of positive emotions and actions. We are more sociable and cooperative. We have more energy. And we are liked by others and are more likely to have lasting and fulfilling relationships along with a strong network of friends. Happy people are more flexible and more productive. We bounce back faster from difficulties, have stronger immune systems, and are physically healthier. [Lyuobomirsky] In a word, we are flourishing!
Positivity Exercises
Here are a couple of exercises that have been proven to raise your positivity.
The Gratitude Visit [Seligman ‘Flourish’]
Close your eyes and think of someone (who is still alive) who did something or said something that improved your life and whom you didn’t fully thank at the time. (Perhaps you didn’t realize till later the full effect her words or actions had on you.) Think of somebody you could meet face-to-face next week.
For the gratitude visit, you are to write a letter expressing gratitude to this individual and then deliver it to her in person. Make it concrete and specific – what she did and how it has changed you for the better. Aim for around 300 words, about 1 type-written, double-spaced page.
Once you have the letter, call the person and arrange a visit. Be vague about the purpose – it’s more fun if it’s a surprise. When you meet, read your letter. Be aware of her reactions as well as your own. If she tries to interrupt as you read, tell her you really want her to listen until you finish. After you read the letter, discuss it and how you feel about each other.
One month from now, says Dr. Seligman, “you will be happier and less depressed.”
The “Three Blessings” Exercise [Seligman ‘Flourish’]
We are wired by evolution to see the negative more than the positive in our lives. It’s a matter of survival. Our ancestors who stopped to smell the roses and didn’t watch out for the wild beasts became some wild beast’s dinner. To overcome this natural inclination – and tap into Barbara Fredrickson’s 3:1 positivity ratio – it helps to practice noticing and thinking about what went well.
For this exercise, every night for the next week, take 10 minutes and write down three things that went well today and why they went well. Write them in your journal or in a document on your computer, but be sure you have a physical record of each day’s “three blessings”.
The blessings don’t have to be life-changing but they could be important. Or not. After each positive event, answer the question: “Why did this happen?” Do the exercise every day for at least one week. Chances are your mood will improve so much you’ll want to continue.
And if you want more ways to boost your positivity, you can find twelve more practices to help you flourish here.
Create a Life of Flourishing
Positivity is not simply some feel-good idea; it is a way to experience a better way of being; to be healthier, to be more resilient, to broaden our perspective and our responses, to deepen our relationships. Of course, no one is gonna be upbeat and happy all the time, and as we’ve seen, some negative emotions bring their own benefits.
But as Joe Dispenza points out, the emotions we experience trace patterns in our brains which gradually and steadily become more ingrained. As the patterns strengthen, they become our mood, then our temperament, and eventually our personality. Then it becomes very difficult to change from negativity to positivity.
I encourage you to begin today if you have not already done so, to begin using the various tools and practices to improve your positivity that we frequently discuss. You’ll begin to create a life of flourishing and well-being. In fact, you’ll be embracing your Excelerated Life™!
Here are five things that can increase your positivity: Do a kindness for someone; express gratitude for three specific things; spend time with a loved one and give them your full attention; spend time in nature; increase your integrity by selecting one small behavior, then do what you say you will do. Pick one and try it, then reflect on how you feel.
Share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Excelerated Positivity™ — building the skills that help you flourish — is one practice for creating your Excelerated Life™, a life of flourishing and well-being, and a life of meaning, purpose, and service.
Read more about the Excelerated Life™.
Resources:
Dispenza, Joe. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2013.
Fredrickson, Barbara L., and Marcial F. Losada. “Positive Affect and the Complex Dynamics of Human Flourishing.” The American Psychologist, vol. 60, no. 7, 2005, p. 678.
Fredrickson, Ph.D., Barbara, L. Positivity. New York: Crown Publishing Group, 2009.
Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How Of Happiness. New York: Penguin Books, 2007.
Seligman, Ph.D., Martin E. P. Authentic Happiness. New York: Free Press, 2002.
This blog post includes research information and suggestions provided by ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI. The content was generated with AI assistance and is intended to provide information and guidance. Please note that the suggestions are not official statements from OpenAI. To learn more about ChatGPT and its capabilities, you can visit the OpenAI website.