Discover a gentler, more sustainable approach to discipline. Learn how allowing instead of forcing helps you stick with goals and create lasting change
Allowing Discipline to Arise Rather Than Forcing It
Discipline is often misunderstood. We tend to think of it as rigid, harsh, even punishing. We imagine it requires grit, grinding effort, and sheer willpower to make ourselves do what we “should.”
But what if discipline doesn’t have to feel like a battle?
What if, instead of forcing discipline, we allowed discipline?
That’s the practice of Excelerated Discipline™ — not discipline that demands or punishes, but discipline that flows from clarity, purpose, and alignment. This kind of discipline doesn’t require you to fight against yourself. Instead, it emerges when your values, priorities, and environment support the person you want to become.
Let’s take a closer look.
The Problem With Forcing Discipline
Most of us have tried to force discipline before.
- We grit our teeth and white-knuckle through early morning alarms.
- We swear off carbs, sugar, or screens with the intensity of a courtroom oath.
- We tell ourselves we must write the report, clean the garage, or go for a run — even when we’re tired or overwhelmed.
And it works . . . sometimes. For a little while. But then willpower fades, old patterns return, and we blame ourselves for a “lack of discipline.”
The truth? Willpower is a limited resource. Relying on it constantly sets us up for burnout, failure, and shame.
Excelerated Discipline™ offers another way.
Allowing Discipline to Arise
Instead of trying to control or coerce yourself, try allowing discipline to arise naturally by aligning your environment, habits, and mindset with your intentions.
Here are a few examples that show the difference.
- Morning Routine
- Forcing: You set a 5:00 a.m. alarm, demand you get up immediately, and shame yourself when you hit snooze.
- Allowing: You design a gentle wake-up routine. You go to bed early, prep your coffee or journal the night before, and get up at a time that suits your energy rhythm. You greet the day with purpose rather than pressure.
Result: You still wake up and follow a routine, but now it feels nourishing instead of punishing.
- Eating Well
- Forcing: You ban your favorite foods, follow a strict diet, and beat yourself up for “cheating.”
- Allowing: You keep healthy, enjoyable food visible and easy to access. You practice mindful eating. You give yourself permission to enjoy a treat, knowing you’ll return to your healthy rhythm without guilt.
Result: You eat in a way that supports your energy and well-being, without resentment or obsession.
- Moving Your Body
- Forcing: You demand daily workouts, even when you’re sick or exhausted.
- Allowing: You build movement into your day in a way that feels good. You go for a walk, stretch while listening to music, or dance in the kitchen. You stay connected to your body’s signals.
Result: Exercise becomes an expression of care, not a punishment.
- Work and Focus
- Forcing: You push yourself to focus for hours, using willpower to block distractions.
- Allowing: You set up your workspace to invite focus, use a timer for short sprints, and give yourself breaks. You begin with a small, doable action to build momentum.
Result: Your focus feels lighter and more sustainable, and you’re more likely to return tomorrow.
Principles of Allowing Discipline
So, how do you practice allowing instead of forcing? Here are five powerful ways to begin.
- Remove Friction
Make the behavior you want to adopt the easiest option.
- Put your journal on your nightstand.
- Prep your workout clothes the night before.
- Turn off notifications while writing.
- Stock your fridge with healthy snacks.
Discipline feels harder when every step requires extra effort. Make it easy to succeed.
- Design Your Environment
Your surroundings can either fight your discipline — or support it.
- Want to read more? Keep a book by your chair, not your phone.
- Want to eat healthier? Store treats out of sight and put fruit on the counter.
- Want to write every morning? Open your document before bed.
Shape your space so it cues and supports the habits you want.
- Work With Your Energy
Your discipline will thrive when you honor your natural rhythms.
- Tackle deep work when your energy is high.
- Do administrative tasks or errands when it’s low.
- Notice when you’re most alert, creative, or focused and schedule accordingly.
As David Allen (author of Getting Things Done) advises, choose your next action based on context, time available, energy level, and priority. Allow discipline to be an act of alignment, not obligation.
- Focus on Identity
Discipline becomes easier when it flows from your sense of self. (Remember, it’s Identity->Actions->Feelings, NOT Feelings->Actions->Identity.)
- “I’m someone who honors my commitments.”
- “I’m a person who takes care of my body.”
- “I value learning, so I make time to study.”
Instead of asking, “What do I have to do today?” try asking, “Who do I want to be today?”
Discipline becomes a natural expression of identity, not a demand from your to-do list.
- Practice Strategic Underachievement
You don’t have to be disciplined about everything.
In his book Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman suggests intentionally choosing areas where you’ll be “just okay.” That’s right—lower your standards on purpose to make space for what matters most.
Maybe you:
- Leave a few dishes in the sink so you can read with your child.
- Let emails pile up while you focus on writing your book.
- Choose not to optimize every part of your schedule.
Discipline doesn’t mean doing it all. It means doing what matters — and letting go of the rest.
Ancient Wisdom: Subtraction
Modern culture encourages us to add more: more goals, more systems, more hustle.
But wisdom often lies in subtraction.
In Subtract, Leidy Klotz explains that we improve life not just by adding things, but by removing what’s in the way.
- Remove distractions.
- Remove guilt and shame.
- Remove unrealistic expectations.
Discipline arises not from doing more, but from making space for what matters.
Small Steps to Begin Practicing Excelerated Discipline™
Here are a few simple actions you can try this week:
- Set a small, daily anchor habit: One tiny behavior that reinforces your identity (e.g., writing for 5 minutes, stretching each morning, reading one paragraph).
- Choose one area to “underachieve” in: Decide where you’re willing to be “good enough” so you can focus on something else.
- Redesign your environment: Move one item (phone, book, snack, notepad) to make a healthy habit easier.
- Ask yourself, “What’s important now?” before choosing your next action.
- Reflect on your identity: Finish the sentence, “I’m the kind of person who…” and let that shape your choices.
Discipline as a Gift
Excelerated Discipline™ doesn’t require forcing yourself into action through sheer effort. Instead, it helps clear space for the person you want to become.
When you allow discipline to arise — by aligning with your purpose, managing your energy, and shaping your environment — it becomes less of a fight and more of a flow.
So let go of the need to control. Choose instead to create the conditions where discipline becomes not a demand, but a gift. That’s how you embrace your Excelerated Life™!
Where are you trying to “force” discipline?
Choose one area and allow yourself to be disciplined rather than making yourself be disciplined.
Share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Excelerated Discipline™ — doing what you say you will do — is one practice for creating your Excelerated Life™, a life of flourishing and well-being, and a life of meaning, purpose, and service.
Read more about the Excelerated Life™.
Resources:
Allen, David. Getting Things Done (Revised Edition). New York: Penguin Books, 2015.
Burkeman, Oliver. Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management For Mortals. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2021.
Klotz, Leidy. Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less. New York: Flatiron Books, 2021.
This blog post includes research information and suggestions provided by ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI. The content was generated with AI assistance and is intended to provide information and guidance. Please note that the suggestions are not official statements from OpenAI. To learn more about ChatGPT and its capabilities, you can visit the OpenAI website.