“Hate Well”: How To Deal With, Not Put Up With, Tolerations

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.” [Romans 12:0 (NLT)]

What do you hate?

What do you hate? We are conditioned to find this question a little uncomfortable. We are generally taught that we shouldn’t hate anyone or anything; that it is somehow bad or anti-social. But before you answer the question, consider this point of view from Dr. Henry Cloud.

“What would you think, for example, about a person who said that he hates the following things: arrogance, lying, innocent people being hurt, harmful schemes, evil practices, telling lies about others, and things that stir up dissension among people? Continue reading ““Hate Well”: How To Deal With, Not Put Up With, Tolerations”

Capacities Clamoring To Be Used

“The muscular person likes to use his muscles, indeed, has to use them in order to self-actualize, and to achieve the subjective feeling of harmonious, uninhibited, satisfying functioning which is so important an aspect of psychological health. People with intelligence must use their intelligence, people with eyes must use their eyes, people with the capacity to love have the impulse to love and the need to love in order to feel healthy. Capacities clamor to be used, and cease their clamor only when they are used sufficiently.” ~ Abraham Maslow  Toward a Psychology of Being

Capacities clamor to be used.

I read this quote from Abraham Maslow’s book in a recent +1 note from Brian Johnson. The capacities that “clamor to be used” remind me of the VIA Character strengths.

Continue reading “Capacities Clamoring To Be Used”

Make a Commitment

“The most meaningful thing you can do is make a promise to yourself and keep it. You start to feel like you can trust yourself and rely on yourself.” ~ Phil Stutz

The path to Lifetime growth.

Do you want to build your self-discipline? Do you want to build trust in yourself and your ability to do what you say you will do? Do you want to practice the virtue of Integrity?  These are valuable steps on the path to lifetime growth.

One way to practice these steps is to instill a daily habit. Make it something that is good for you and makes you feel good about yourself. And once you start, do it every day until it becomes second nature. Discipline improves with practice. Continue reading “Make a Commitment”

Gratification

Want to go for a double win? Find activities that are both pleasurable AND gratifying.

Research from the field of positive psychology indicates that there are certain actions we can take to increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Happiness in the present moment is based on two distinct concepts: pleasures and gratifications. Continue reading “Gratification”

When a Strength is not a strength

Discovering and using your Signature Strengths is one step in creating your Excelerated life, a life of well-being, meaning, and purpose.

What Is A “Strength”?

The VIA Character Strengths originated from a group headed by Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology and Dr. Chris Peterson, a distinguished researcher and scientist. The task they set for themselves was to define and classify human strengths, similar to the way the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) classifies and defines mental disorders. They envisioned a method to identify the traits that enable people to flourish just as the DSM allowed professionals to identify the traits of mental disorders in order to treat them successfully. [Seligman] Continue reading “When a Strength is not a strength”

“Live For Holiness”

“We don’t live for happiness, we live for holiness. Day to day we seek out pleasure, but deep down, human beings are endowed with moral imagination. All human beings seek to lead lives not just of pleasure, but of purpose, righteousness, and virtue.” ~ David Brooks

What is the purpose of life? What are we living for?

These are deep and important questions. Many books have been written about these very questions and we certainly are not going to answer them in a short essay. Continue reading ““Live For Holiness””

Closing The Gaps

“Gaps in our lives drain the power needed to make a positive difference in the world.” ~ Hyrum Smith

“Inner peace is having serenity, balance and harmony in our lives achieved through the disciplined closing of gaps.” ~ Hyrum Smith [The 3 Gaps: Are You Making A Difference?]

The 3 Gaps

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child . . .”[1 Corinthians 13:11a (New King James Version)] I believed many things as a child that I have since found to be either untrue, unfounded or unhelpful. I believed in Santa Claus much longer than most of my classmates. I believed that there was a physical place up above the clouds – Heaven – that was ruled over by God, a giant man in a great white cloak. I believed in fairies and elves and sometimes saw signs of them in the woods above my home. I believed that if I stepped on a crack I’d break my mother’s back and that if a frog peed on my hand, I’d get warts. You probably believed some of these yourself. Continue reading “Closing The Gaps”

How Is The Best Way To Live?

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

How is the best way to live? I have this question posted in big letters on my bulletin board and I contemplate this from time to time. Jim Rohn said, “Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each one wisely.” I read this quote recently and it has given me a sense of urgency in determining the best way to live. Continue reading “How Is The Best Way To Live?”

The Self Actualized Life

“What human beings can be, they must be.” ~ Abraham Maslow

Abraham Maslow has been called one of the most famous psychologists of the 20th Century.  His research into what makes successful and high-achieving people do what they do and be what they are is the precursor of the Positive Psychology movement.

The Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow is known for his “hierarchy of needs” – a ranking or scale of human needs. At the bottom are physical or physiological needs – air, food, water, sleep. Next are needs for safety and security – good health, secure employment, social and family stability. These two categories comprise our basic needs. Going up the hierarchy, next come needs for love and belonging – intimate relationships, friends, a sense of connectedness. Then, the need for self- esteem – achievement, respect of others, prestige. These two categories define our psychological needs. Finally, at the top of the pyramid, we reach self-actualization – what Maslow considered as achieving one’s full potential, that is “what one can be, one must be.”

Continue reading “The Self Actualized Life”

Take Two

“You don’t learn from successes; you don’t learn from awards; you don’t learn from celebrity; you only learn from wounds and scars and mistakes and failures. And that’s the truth.” ~ Jane Fonda

It seemed fool-proof. An easy $100. The carnival side-show barker had lured me, girl friend in tow, over to his game. Ten wooden bottles stacked in a pyramid. All I had to do was pay $1.00 and knock over all 10 bottles — ten times. If I missed and didn’t knock them over, my ante doubled . . . $2, $4, $8, etc. But I figured I could easily knock over the 10 bottles ten times in 10 or 12 or 14 tries. My “investment” would be well under the $100 I was sure to win. So I paid my $1.00 and tossed the ball. Knocked over all but 1. No worries. I was only down $2.00 and I was sure I’d get them all from now on. Continue reading “Take Two”