Turn Behaviors Into Habits – Even If You Lack Self-Control

Motivation is fickle. Willpower is unreliable. Don’t depend on motivation and willpower for changing behaviors. Make the behavior easy to do. Then repeat to make it a habit.

A Lack Of Self Control?

When Melissa[1] came to me for coaching, she identified several goals she wanted to work on. Her most important goal was to get her home office organized. This was the area that was most disruptive to her life and the one causing her the most stress.

Melissa shared that she could get one section of the place organized, say her desk top or the stacks of paper on her bookshelves, but within a few days, everything was chaos again. She wasted a lot of time looking for papers or other items she needed which caused undue stress.

“I guess I just lack the self-control to make myself do what I need to do,” she lamented. “I spend so much time and energy looking for articles I need, that it is impacting my life. It is hampering me from getting important tasks done yet I can’t keep myself motivated to keep things organized.”

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To Build High, Go Deep

To build an Excelerated Life of self-actualizing, to develop and increase your potential, you must start with a deep, firm, rock-solid foundation. You can begin to strengthen your foundation by raising your standards

“I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.” ~ Pat Paulsen

A Wise Man And A Foolish Man

” . . . a wise man . . . built his house on rock. It rained hard, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house. But it did not fall because it was built on rock.

. . . a foolish man . . . built his house on sand. It rained hard, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house. And it fell with a loud crash.” ~ Matthew 7:24 – 27 (ERV)

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Bound To The Past

Leftovers from yesterday, last week, last month or last year clog up your space and keep you from living in the present moment. Clear up the open loops from past projects and you are better able to deal with your current projects and activities. Live in the present moment, not bound to the past by items cluttering your space and your life.

Holdovers From The Past

Here is a thought that occurred to me the other day as I contemplated the stacks of papers, files, books, and other detritus covering my desk and work space. This clutter, these holdovers from the past, keep me from living fully in the present.

The unfiled papers, the books that haven’t been put away, and all the other clutter and debris keep me bound to the past and make it difficult to function in the present moment. As long as those stacks are there, I have open loops [1] — unfinished business. It is difficult to remain in the present moment, in the Now, with so many open loops.

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Are You Running On Empty?

Your space is filled with Stuff, your calendar is crammed with activities and your To Do list is running off the page, yet you still have an empty place inside – a void and a feeling that something is missing. You can be overwhelmed with Stuff and constant activity yet still be running on empty. Perhaps you need to build a reserve.

Coming Up Short

My wife and I had recently moved to Greenville to be closer to my new office, where I had been hired for my first job as a computer programmer. In those days, men wore coats and ties to the office, so I needed to buy dress shirts. We were shopping in a local department store and I found some nice shirts on sale.

I picked out a couple that I liked and carried them to the check out counter. But I had miscalculated the cost and when the clerk rang up my purchase, I realized to my horror and embarrassment that I didn’t have enough money to pay the bill. As I felt my face flush with shame, I had to admit to the sales clerk that I was short of cash and left one of the shirts for him to return to the rack.

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Paraphernalia

The law of abundance says that things flow into our lives and things flow out of our lives. To experience true abundance, you must keep the flow going. It’s difficult to do if you get clogged up with paraphernalia.

“Messy surroundings and an untidy life reflect a weakened metaphysical and psychological state. If you are powerful, you will dominate your life, you will find time to clean up and order things, and you will want to do that as a part of your personal discipline. Mess is the external manifestation of the ego’s disquiet and laziness.” ~ Stuart Wilde

Well Equipped Backpacking

My friend, Spock (no, not the Spock), and I did a lot of backpacking when we were younger. Now, when you are backpacking, generally you are concerned with how much weight you are carrying. I usually went with the basics – sleeping bag, canteen, pot and spoon, dried foods, stove, soap, matches.

Spock, on the other hand, loved paraphernalia. He had 3 or 4 metal water bottles – in different colors. He had a dozen carabiners that he used to hook stuff to the outside of his pack. Besides that stuff, he had an extendable aluminum rod that he used as a hiking stick. And he had his camera with an assortment of lenses.

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Excelerated Fundamentals

If you want to pitch a tent, you don’t need to think about a foundation. But if you want to build a lasting structure, you need a solid foundation. Do you want your life to be like a tent or a tower? [1]

Sharpen The Saw

Imagine you are walking in the woods and you come upon a woodcutter busily sawing at a tree. As you watch, you can see he isn’t making much progress. It’s obvious that his saw is dull.

“Why don’t you take some time to sharpen your saw?” you ask.

He glares at you. “Sharpen the saw!? Can’t you see I’m too busy sawing?!?” [Covey]

Stephen Covey shares this story in his book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, to illustrate the 7th habit, which he calls “sharpen the saw”. This habit encircles the other six habits and enhances them. It is a focus on the fundamentals of self care.

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The Willpower Question

Willpower is like a muscle, according to some research, and gets depleted with use over time. Newer research has not replicated this finding, however. Other researchers believe willpower may get depleted because we think it will be. This is at the heart of the willpower question.

Cookies And Radishes

It was a cruel and heartless experiment . . . at least for the hungry college students taking part. They were told not to eat anything for several hours prior to the experiment so they were hungry when they arrived at the lab.

The students were divided into three groups. Group 1 was given a plate of warm, freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. And a plate of radishes. They were told they could have all the radishes they wanted, but they were not to touch the cookies.

Group 2 was given a plate of cookies and a plate of radishes and told they could eat all they wanted from either (or both) plates.

Group 3 was given nothing.

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Rules Of Thumb

A rule of thumb is a type of heuristic that can help you perform desirable behaviors more consistently. Applying rules of thumb can also eliminate some mundane decisions, thereby conserving willpower.

Decision Making Short-Cuts

“Eat a fruit and a vegetable at every meal.”
“Pay yourself first.”
“Fill your gas tank when it reaches 1/2 full.”

These are “rules of thumb” – common sense guidelines that provide guidance in daily situations. They are short-cuts to decision making.

The phrase rule of thumb refers to “a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation. It refers to an easily learned and easily applied procedure or standard, based on practical experience rather than theory.” [Wikipedia]

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Self-Full

Excelerated Self-Care™ — taking excellent care of yourself — is a self-full act. You must care for yourself if you are to be of service to others. You cannot give what you do not have.

Burnout!

Carol [*] felt like she was on the edge of a precipice where she might plunge over at any moment.

She was bone-tired. She climbed into bed exhausted every night. And she woke up exhausted every morning. It was all she could do to drag one foot, then the other, to plop on the floor.

On top of the chronic exhaustion, Carol never felt well. She had a dull, throbbing headache much of the time. Her mouth was dry, her skin was dry, her hair was lackluster and dull. Her stomach burned. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt really good.

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Time To Be

To discover and understand your purpose and to organize your life around it requires time . . . time to think about how you’ll manifest your purpose and time to reflect on your performance. Organize your time and your calendar to explicitly schedule in these activities.

A Tale Of Two Workers

This is a tale of two workers. Call them Tom and Tim.

Tom works hard. He’s busy all day. Here is a typical day for Tom. When he wakes up, Tom immediately reaches for his phone to check for messages and e-mails. Before he gets out of bed, his mind is already teeming with thoughts of what he has to do today. He gets up and rushes through showering and dressing for work. He skips breakfast — who has time? He’ll grab a fast food sandwich and a cup of coffee on the way to the office.

Once at the office, Tom checks his e-mail again, then his calendar. He has several back-to-back meetings scheduled. He also has a major project that is due by the end of the week but he hasn’t had time to work on it yet. Maybe he can get to it today. And oh yeah, there was that upset customer that called yesterday . . . he still needs to call her back.

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