Reclaim your hidden strengths and use them to live more intentionally in midlife and beyond. You no longer have to hide or hide from your shadow side. By leveraging your strengths, you can transform that side into something positive.
[Title Photo by Anna Nekrashevich]
When Work Took Too Much
There was a time in my life when I poured nearly all of my time and energy into work. I told myself I was doing it for the good of my family, to provide for them, to succeed, and to create a better future. But quietly, something else was happening.
I began to miss the small, ordinary moments: the after-dinner conversations, the invitations to play, the silent presence of just being together. I wasn’t absent, exactly. But I wasn’t fully there, either. I was always thinking ahead to the next project, the next goal, the next item on my to-do list.
Looking back, I can see how one of my strengths, love of learning, was out of balance. I love to learn and grow, and that had fueled much of my career and personal development. But without perspective, even our best strengths can lead us astray.
It was that strength of perspective that helped me begin to realign. I started asking bigger questions: What am I really working for? What am I willing to miss? What will matter most to me, and to my loved ones, ten years from now?
It wasn’t an overnight change. But as I leaned into my strengths of gratitude, hope, and love, I started to see what I had been missing; not just the presence of my family, but the joy of being present with them.
I started to focus not only on the outside world but also on my inner self, toward the quiet richness already present in my life. The result? A more grounded way of working and living. One that still honors my drive to learn and grow, but no longer sacrifices what matters most.
That’s the heart of the Excelerated Life™: not striving harder, but using your best strengths to live more intentionally.
The Excelerated Strengths™ Practice
The VIA Character Strengths consist of twenty-four character traits, which all of us have in varying degrees. The Excelerated Strengths™ practice is the intentional use of your Signature Strengths (your top five or six strengths) in daily life.
However, the practice extends beyond simply identifying ways to utilize your Signature strengths. Sometimes we may need to do “shadow work” [Ford] to help us reclaim disowned strengths. Instead of trying to do more, it may be more useful to subtract some things [Klotz] to focus our energy where it matters.
And by adopting Oliver Burkeman’s idea of imperfectionism, we begin to move forward by being real, not ideal.
The Hidden Power of Reclaiming Strength
By taking a different perspective (and Perspective is one of my Signature strengths), we see that, although we often chase improvement by adding – more tools, more effort, more goals – real growth often comes from:
- Reclaiming rejected parts of ourselves.
- Focusing on fewer, stronger qualities.
- Letting go of perfectionism to act more freely and authentically.
Your greatest strengths may be hiding in plain sight. Or behind what you’ve been taught to hide.
Shadow Work Reveals Hidden Strengths
In The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford explores the concept of the “shadow self,” those parts of ourselves that we reject, deny, or suppress because they don’t align with the image we want to present to the world. But, Ford argues, embracing and integrating these shadow aspects is essential for living authentically and experiencing wholeness.
Sometimes, we project our shadow onto others, judging them for traits we refuse to acknowledge in ourselves. But the traits you reject in others (or yourself) often point to strengths you’ve buried.
For example, anger may indicate a deep-seated value for fairness and justice. Or stubbornness may actually be perseverance or courage in the face of adversity.
What have you been told is “too much” or “not enough” about you? Might it be a strength misdirected or misunderstood?
Subtraction Sharpens Strengths
As we discussed recently, our culture often encourages us to add more. But, as Leidy Klotz points out, wisdom often lies in subtraction.
The impulse to add often overwhelms better solutions, whereas subtraction can bring clarity. For example, when you remove distractions, busyness, and irrelevant roles, you make room for your true strengths to emerge.
Try this: Identify what’s diluting your energy. What could you stop doing or let go of to better use your Signature strengths?
Embrace Imperfection to Use Strengths Boldly
Oliver Burkeman introduces the concept of “imperfectionism”, embracing our human limits and meaningfully living with them. Instead of chasing mastery or control, Burkeman invites readers to live fully in the present moment, accepting constraints, completing tasks, letting go, and showing up. So, instead of waiting to use your strengths perfectly, start where you are. Use them imperfectly and get better as you go.
So, over to you. Don’t wait until the plan is flawless. We need your courage, kindness, curiosity, or leadership now, even if it’s messy.
Take a Different Perspective
Suppose it’s time for your employee evaluation. You receive feedback that you’re too intense, too driven. Now, you could play small, try to tone it down. But what if that intensity is, in reality, your strength, Zest, or Leadership, just needing direction? What if, instead of muting it, you refined it and aimed it with purpose?
Or say a family member says you’re too emotional. You’re told to toughen up. But what if your emotional insight is your superpower, your strength of empathy or love?
There are two different ways to misuse our strengths: We either fail to utilize them or rely too heavily on one strength and overuse it. Of the two, failure to use a strength is the most likely culprit and the easiest to rectify. So, try taking a so-called “weakness” and see if you can find the underlying strength.
How to Excelerate Your Strengths
You don’t have to go on a quest to find your strengths. They’re part of you, even the parts you’ve been taught to downplay or reject. The key is to uncover, clear away, and activate what’s already within you.
Here are four simple ways you can uncover and activate your Excelerated Strengths™ this week:
- Revisit Your Signature Strengths.
If it’s been a while since you took the VIA Character Strengths Survey, go back and review your results. Notice which strengths you use naturally and often, and which ones you might be underusing. Reflect: Where in my life am I already strong? Where am I hiding my strengths?
- Reclaim a Shadow Trait.
Think of a trait you’ve been told is “too much” or “not enough”, too sensitive, too assertive, too cautious, too bold. Ask yourself: Is there a hidden strength behind that label? Try flipping the script. That sensitivity might be empathy. That assertiveness? Courage.
- Subtract What Dilutes Your Strength.
Look for one thing to let go of this week that distracts or drains you, maybe it’s overcommitting, people-pleasing, or spending time on things that don’t align with your values. Subtraction creates space for your strengths to shine.
- Practice Imperfection.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment to use your strengths. Just begin. Use your Kindness to write a short note of encouragement. Use your Curiosity to ask a better question. Or use your Love of Learning to explore something new. It doesn’t have to be flawless. It just has to be real.
The Power of Real Strength
Living from your Signature strengths doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. And you are not adding more “to-dos” or “to-be’s”. It’s a way to more fully be all of who you are. You no longer have to hide or hide from your shadow side. By leveraging your strengths, you can transform that side into something positive.
You don’t have to become someone else to live an Excelerated Life™. You simply have to uncover, reclaim, and fully express the strengths already within you, even the ones you may have hidden from yourself. It’s another step on the path to embracing your Excelerated Life™!
Consider a “flaw” or imperfection you are hiding or hiding from. How might that be a strength in disguise?
How could you turn it into a positive, a strength?
Share your ideas by leaving a post below.
Excelerated Strengths™ — discovering and using your Signature Strengths — is one practice for creating your Excelerated Life™, a life of flourishing and well-being, and a life of meaning, purpose, and service.
Read more about the Excelerated Life™.
Resources:
Burkeman, Oliver. Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2024.
Ford, Debbie. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. New York: Riverhead Books/The Berkeley Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Putnam Inc., 1998.
Klotz, Leidy. Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less. New York: Flatiron Books, 2021.
This blog post includes research information provided by ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI. The content was generated with AI assistance and is intended to provide information and guidance. Please note that the suggestions are not official statements from OpenAI. To learn more about ChatGPT and its capabilities, you can visit the OpenAI website.