Friendships are an essential part of the human experience. They provide us with joy, support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. To find happiness through friendship, it is important to invest time and effort in building relationships with people who share your values and who are committed to living a virtuous life.
Title Photo by cottonbro studio
A Friendship Blossoms
Once upon a time, there were two people, Alex and Sarah, who lived in the same neighborhood. They had crossed paths a few times but had never really interacted. One day, when they happened to be waiting for the bus together, they struck up a conversation and discovered they had many shared interests and a similar sense of humor. What started as a casual acquaintance soon blossomed into a genuine friendship.
As they spent more time together, Alex and Sarah began to experience the positive impact of their friendship on their happiness. They laughed together, providing a sense of joy and lightness in each other’s lives. They supported each other during difficult times, offering a listening ear, understanding, and a shoulder to lean on. Their bond grew stronger as they shared their dreams, fears, and aspirations, nurturing a sense of trust and companionship.
Through their friendship, Alex and Sarah discovered the power of genuine connection and support. They celebrated each other’s successes, creating an environment of encouragement and inspiration. During challenging moments, they provided solace, reminding one another that they were never alone in their struggles.
Their friendship brought new experiences and adventures into their lives. They explored shared hobbies, traveled together, and tried new activities, enriching their lives with shared memories and a sense of exploration. They discovered that the journey of life became more vibrant and meaningful when they had a friend to share it with.
Over time, Alex and Sarah realized that their friendship had become a constant source of happiness. They appreciated the warmth and understanding that their connection provided. They found solace and strength in knowing they had someone who truly cared about them, someone they could rely on unconditionally.
In the story of Sarah and Alex, it is evident that friendship has the power to improve happiness. The support, laughter, companionship, and shared experiences that come with a true friend can uplift spirits, provide a sense of belonging, and bring immense joy to one’s life. Alex and Sarah’s friendship is a testament to the transformative impact that genuine connections can have, reminding us all of the value and happiness found in true friendship.
Three Types of Friendship
Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, classified friendships into three categories based on the motives behind each one. These categories provide insights into the nature and dynamics of different types of friendships. The three categories are friendships of Utility, of Pleasure, and of “the Good” or virtue.
Friendships of utility are formed primarily for practical reasons and mutual benefit. In this type of friendship, individuals associate with each other because they find the other person useful or advantageous in some way, such as a business partnership or a coaching relationship. Friendships of utility are often transactional and usually dissolve when the usefulness of the relationship diminishes.
Friendships of pleasure are based on shared enjoyment, interests, or activities. Individuals in this type of friendship derive pleasure, entertainment, or fun from each other’s company. These friendships often revolve around shared hobbies, leisure activities, or similar lifestyles. While friendships of pleasure can be enjoyable and enduring, they may lack a deep emotional connection or reliance on each other beyond the shared enjoyment. If the source of pleasure diminishes or circumstances change, these friendships fade away.
Friendships of the good, also known as virtuous friendships or friendships of the good life, are the highest and most fulfilling form of friendship according to Aristotle. These friendships are rooted in mutual respect, trust, and a shared pursuit of excellence and moral virtues. In friendships of the good, individuals value each other for their character, integrity, and qualities as human beings. They genuinely care for one another and seek each other’s well-being. These friendships involve a deep emotional connection, loyalty, and support that transcend external benefits or pleasures. They are marked by selfless acts, mutual understanding, and unconditional love that endures through challenges and hardships.
Friendships can evolve over time, moving from one category to another or even encompassing elements from multiple categories. The ideal, according to Aristotle, is to strive for friendships of the good, characterized by genuine care, trust, and the shared pursuit of a virtuous life.
Why is this important?
Friendships of the good require time, effort, sacrifice, and self-control to build. But these virtuous friendships fill individuals with a deeper sense of happiness, as they are loved for who they are, not for what they do, and are assured of loyalty regardless of circumstances. And while close friendships require investment and effort, acts of kindness and caring can be shortcuts to developing genuine friendships.
Aristotle believed that we are most likely to find happiness through virtuous friendships. He argued that those friends help us to become better people by challenging us to live up to our own standards. They also provide us with emotional support and companionship, which are essential to well-being.
There is scientific evidence to support Aristotle’s claims. Studies have shown that people who have strong social connections are happier and healthier than those who do not. They are also more likely to live longer. So let’s look at some ways to use these ideas.
Finding Friends (and Happiness)
As you look to find happiness through your own friendships, keep in mind that the categories are somewhat fluid, and, like Alex and Sarah in our opening story, you may move from friendships of utility to pleasure to virtuous. Keep in mind also that not every relationship is going to evolve into a friendship of the good, nor does it need to. Many of us have only a few really close friends and those bring us the happiness and well-being we get from good friendships.
If you want to make new friends or nurture your existing relationships, here are some ways to proceed.
- Stay in touch or reconnect with people you’ve worked with or with whom you have taken classes.
- Reconnect and rekindle old friendships that may have languished.
- Introduce yourself to your neighbors and look for shared or common interests.
- Make time to stay in touch with family members.
- Volunteer at local community organizations, your church, or a charitable group. Connections you make there may turn into friendships based on mutual interests.
- Take a class at the local YMCA or gym.
- Join a faith community.
Actions to Cultivate Friendships
So, how can we cultivate friendships of the good? Aristotle suggests that we should look for friends who share our values and who are committed to living a virtuous life. We should also be willing to challenge ourselves and our friends to be better people.
Here are some specific ways to cultivate friendships of the good and to find happiness through friendship:
- Be a good friend yourself. Be kind, supportive, and honest. Also, be willing to forgive and forget.
- Spend time with your friends. This means making time for them, even when you’re busy. Be present when you’re with your friends and really listen to what they have to say.
- Share your values and goals with your friends. This helps you connect with them on a deeper level and allows you to support each other in achieving your goals.
- Challenge each other to be better people. This doesn’t mean being critical or judgmental. It means being honest with each other about your strengths and weaknesses and helping each other to grow.
The Friend Connection = Meaningful Friendships
Friendships are an essential part of the human experience. They provide us with joy, support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. The three types of friendships that Aristotle identified – friendships of utility, of pleasure, and of the good – can all be valuable in different ways. However, friendships of the good are the most likely to lead to happiness in the long run. These friendships are based on mutual respect, trust, and a shared pursuit of excellence and moral virtue. They involve a deep emotional connection, loyalty, and support that transcend external benefits or pleasures. They are marked by selfless acts, mutual understanding, and unconditional love that endures through challenges and hardships.
If you want to find happiness through your friendships, it is important to invest time and effort in building relationships with people who share your values and who are committed to living a virtuous life. You should also be willing to challenge yourself and your friends to be better people. By following these tips, you can cultivate friendships of the good that are enriching and that help you to embrace your Excelerated Life™!
How has a friendship made a difference to your life?
What is one step you recommend to improve and deepen a friendship?
Share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Developing Excelerated Relationships™ — nurturing ties to other people — is one step in creating your Excelerated Life™, a life of flourishing and well-being, and a life of meaning, purpose, and service.
Read more about the Excelerated Life™.
Resources:
“Relationships and Happiness” The Pursuit Of Happiness. Pursuit of Happiness, Inc.,. Web. February 4, 2023.
https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/science-of-happiness/relationships-and-happiness/
Mayo Clinic Staff. “Friendships: Enrich Your Life and Improve Your Health.” Mayo Clinic, mayoclinic.org,. Web. August 7, 2023.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860