Foundation Archives - Page 10 of 13

October 3, 2019October 29, 2020

Strengths In Adversity

Drawing on character strengths, and especially our Signature Strengths, gives us tools to deal with adversity and grow, even thrive (i.e., become “antifragile”), from the process. Using strengths in adversity provides three distinct techniques to positively deal with set backs, glitches, and failure.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But it almost kills you.” ~ Conan O’Brien

Opportunity Or Adversity: A Good Time To Use Your Strengths

I typically think about using my Signature Strengths to enhance positive emotions and experiences. But in addition to using them when life is going well, a person can draw on Signature Strengths during the hard times and difficulties of life. In fact, using strengths in adversity may be one of the most beneficial ways to live from your Strengths.

August 29, 2019October 19, 2020

Practicing Positivity

“Happiness” is much deeper than simply having pleasant feelings. Research by positive psychologists has identified exercises that increase positivity / happiness. Increased positivity, measured by subjective well-being, leads to flourishing, and a life of well-being, meaning, and purpose.

Dark Cloud Or Sunshine?

Negative Nellie and Positive Pollie (not their real names) are colleagues at a local business. Both are married. Each is raising a family. But there the similarities end.

Nellie’s daily commute is, as she describes it, “the drive from hell”. She is constantly getting cut off in traffic or stuck behind some moron who refuses to speed through a yellow light. Her horn and one specific finger get a workout every morning. By the time she gets to work, late as usual thanks to all those idiots out there, she is fuming.

At work, she carries a black cloud with her everywhere she goes. Co-workers avoid her; customers complain about her treatment of them. Nellie has been passed over twice for promotions and she is sure it’s because her boss has it out for her and besides, she works with a bunch of suck-ups who the boss is partial to.

At home, Nellis is furious about something a co-worker said. She yells at her kids for leaving a mess in the kitchen after school. Her husband helps with dinner then retreats to the TV. The kids rush up to their rooms to play video games and escape their mother’s wrath.

August 1, 2019November 2, 2020

Why You Need Positive Relationships

Creating positive relationships and nurturing our ties to other people are fundamental practices for flourishing and enhanced well-being. Simple practices have a large impact on improving our relationships. When we do them, our own happiness increases.

Once a month, my wife, Rebecca, and I join with other musicians we’ve met over the years for an acoustic jam session. We sit in a circle and each person takes a turn performing a song, while the rest of us join in. Depending on the size of the group, we go around the circle two or three times, then break to share the food we’ve all brought. After the break, we go back to the circle and go around once or twice more.

The group varies from month to month — we may have 12 or more or we may have only 5 or 6. We sing and talk and laugh and share a meal. By the end of the evening, I have connected to people with whom I have developed positive relationships over the years. I always leave in a more relaxed, peaceful state than when I arrived, especially if I’ve had a hectic, stressful week. In a word, I am happier.

July 11, 2019November 3, 2020

Add Values To Your Life

Knowing and acting from your values means you are living an authentic life. Defining you Valid Values and choosing actions based on them — not based on how you feel — is embracing the Excelerated Life™!

Learning A Lesson

As a young husband and father, I believed that family well-being was one of my highest values. However, over time I realized that although I said I valued my family, I was spending a large portion of my time at work. I routinely worked nine or 10 hours a day. On many Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, I was in the office. Slowly I came to realize that I was putting work and career success ahead of my family.

July 4, 2019November 6, 2020

Become Immaculate

Tolerating situations, things, and people drains your energy and keeps you from being your best self. Taking the time and effort to fix them plugs the energy drain and helps you learn to deal with things as they occur and to “step over nothing”.

Hiding A Stain

Imagine you throw a big party. Lots of good friends, good food and good wine. But sometime during the evening, someone spills a glass of wine on your freshly-cleaned carpet. You can’t deal with it right now, but you plan to see to it in the morning.

Morning comes and you are faced with the huge stain. You can’t deal with it right now, but you plan to see to it right after work.

You come home, tired from a day of hard work. You walk in the door and see the big stain. You can’t deal with it right now – you’re way too tired – but you’ll see to it soon. Meanwhile, you cover the stain with a throw rug.

May 23, 2019October 17, 2019

Let Go Of Fear

Is Fear standing between you and your goal? Move toward the fear. Take tiny steps and you can overcome the obstacle of fear that is keeping you from your goal.

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Limited By Fear

I don’t know when I picked up the fear of speaking in front of people. I remember when I was a young teenager leading Scout meetings as a senior patrol leader and enjoying it. And I remember taking a turn in English class leading the vocabulary lessons and feeling quite competent. But somewhere along the way, by the time I finished high school, I developed a paralyzing fear of standing up and speaking in front of a crowd.

How bad was the fear? Well, I selected my initial major in college based on the fact that it was one of the few that did not require a public speaking class. My fear limited my choices.

May 9, 2019October 5, 2019

Develop Your “Weaker” Strengths

Use your Signature Strengths but don’t neglect your lesser strengths — there is potential for growth.

A Journaling Practice

Almost every morning, after I spend some minutes in meditation, I write in my journal. I list my “Eulogy Virtues” – the things I want to be remembered for. Next I write my “Valid Values” – my highest values and the ones I want to structure my life around. Then I write out my Signature Strengths – the character strengths that I scored highest for in the VIA Strengths Survey. Writing them down helps to imprint them in my conscious and subconscious mind. It helps me consider them as I plan my day.

This practice helps to make using my Signature Strengths almost automatic. However, while I want to make good use of these top character strengths, I don’t want to neglect the others that don’t come as naturally to me . . . especially when they could be beneficial in helping me grow and develop.

April 18, 2019September 19, 2019

Build Your Positivity

Positive emotions have a long-lasting effect on your psychological well-being and lead to flourishing – the ability to thrive and grow. Not only do they feel good in the moment, but they are worth cultivating as a way toward improved well-being.

“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative.

“Positivity transforms us for the better. This is the second core truth about positive emotions. By opening our hearts and minds, positive emotions allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being.” [Fredrickson 2009]

Broaden and Build

Barbara Fredrickson was one of the first Positive Psychologists I encountered. Martin Seligman referenced her work a number of times in Authentic Happiness and described the profound impact she had on his thinking about positive emotion. She was the first recipient of the $100,000 Templeton Positive Psychology Prize, awarded for the best work in Positive Psychology by a scientist under 40. [Seligman] Based on Seligman’s reference, I immediately purchased and read Barbara Fredrickson’s book, Positivity. It was an excellent introduction for me to the concept of building the skills that help you flourish.

February 14, 2019February 14, 2019

Tapping The Power Of Acceptance

A big part of healing and recovery is accepting what has taken place. Acceptance is an important first step for dealing with adversity and moving forward with your life.

A Fable About Acceptance

A raven, black as midnight, spied a Swan and envied her feathers because they were white as pure snow. He decided that if he lived as the Swan did, his feathers would become white.

So the Raven left his home in the woods and flew away to the lake where the Swan lived. He swam and dived in the water and ate the water plants, just like the Swan.

January 17, 2019May 23, 2020

Lay A Solid Foundation

“You can’t build a great building on a weak foundation.” ~ Gordon B. Hinckley The first step in creating your Excelerated Life is to lay a solid foundation by identifying and living from your Valid Values.

The Parable Of Two House Builders

Two men aspired to build houses for themselves.

The first man, who was wise, selected a firm foundation of rock and built his house on this solid foundation. The second man, not so wise, decided it was too difficult to find a rock base for his house, so he built it on the sandy soil where he stood.

Both houses rose tall and stately while the sun shone and there were no troubles or bad weather. But one day, trouble came. It began to rain hard. Flood waters rose. The winds blew and beat against the two houses.