Every time you respond instead of tolerate, you send yourself a quiet but powerful message: “I matter. My energy matters. And I am becoming toleration-free.”
[Title Photo by Andrea Piacquadio]
Those Things We Put Up With
Mark didn’t think of himself as someone who avoided things. He was responsible. Reliable. The kind of person who handled problems when they mattered. But there were a lot of small things he was “meaning to get to.”
The cabinet door in the kitchen that never quite closed. The unread emails he kept flagging and re-flagging. The drawer in his desk that stuck every time he opened it. The conversation with a colleague that needed to happen, but felt awkward. The doctor’s appointment he’d postponed. Again. None of these things felt urgent. None of them were crises. So Mark did what most of us do; he lived with them.
At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. But over time, something subtle happened. He felt more tired than usual. More irritable. Less focused. Small tasks felt heavier than they should have. Motivation came harder. Clarity felt farther away.
One afternoon, while wrestling that stubborn desk drawer for the hundredth time, Mark caught himself thinking, “Why do I keep putting up with this?” That question stopped him. Not because the drawer mattered, but because of how many things in his life had quietly joined it.
That’s when Mark began to realize something most of us miss: It wasn’t the big problems draining him. It was the accumulation of small, unfinished, unresolved things he had learned to tolerate.
And once he saw that, he couldn’t unsee it.
Thomas Leonard on Becoming Toleration Free
Thomas Leonard called these energy drains tolerations – anything you put up with that quietly costs you energy, clarity, and momentum. And his insight was simple and unsettling: what you tolerate, you reinforce. In Leonard’s view, tolerations aren’t just annoyances. They are energy leaks; small, persistent drains that quietly reduce clarity, motivation, confidence, and momentum.
Leonard taught that tolerations accumulate. One may seem minor, but when they begin piling up, they compound into fatigue and stagnation. Also, tolerations consume energy even when you’re not consciously thinking about them. Most of us underestimate how much tolerations cost us. And growth often stalls not because of lack of effort, but because tolerations remain unaddressed.
Leonard believed that before setting new goals or trying to attract better results, we need to clean up what is draining us. Otherwise, we’re trying to build forward momentum while dragging invisible weights behind us. (Think about Marley’s ghost in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.)
Every Day Tolerations
To become toleration-free, we must identify the things we are tolerating. But first, let’s clarify an important point. We sometimes confuse toleration with acceptance. They are not the same thing.
Acceptance is conscious and freeing, Leonard wrote, while tolerations are unconscious and draining. Because they often lie outside our consciousness, we may be unaware of tolerations that distract us. And they can have other negative impacts. Small frustrations build up over time, so subtly you can’t always pinpoint why you feel stuck, aimless, or lacking in energy.
When you consciously name and face what you tolerate, you see a reflection of what is going on inside you. Leonard encouraged people to look broadly, not just at big problems, but at everyday friction, such as:
- Physical clutter
- Incomplete tasks
- Broken or worn-out items
- Disorganized finances
- Poor boundaries
- Lingering resentments
- Health issues that are being ignored
- Overcommitments
- Environments that don’t support who you’re becoming
Many tolerations persist not because they are hard to fix, but because they’ve become familiar. We’ve put up with them for so long that they seem normal. But they are not. Because tolerations can become costly.
The Cost of Tolerations
Ignore the Check Engine light in your car long enough, and you may be forced to pay for a new engine or other costly repair. And there are other costs beyond money. Tolerations create low-grade stress, mental noise and background guilt, and reduced self-trust (“Why haven’t I handled this yet!?”)
Over time, tolerations send an internal message: “I’m willing to live with less than what I know is right.” That message erodes confidence and agency far more than people realize.
An Excelerated Response™ to Tolerations
Given Thomas Leonard’s insight into tolerating annoyances, Excelerated Response™ offers a practice for dealing with them.
Tolerations Are Signals, Not Character Flaws
Leonard never framed tolerations as moral failures. Rather, he saw them as indicators, places where attention, courage, or clarity is needed.
We can build on this by asking:
- What am I tolerating?
- Why am I tolerating it?
- What is it costing me: emotionally, mentally, physically?
That shift removes shame and restores agency.
Clearing Tolerations Restores Energy First, Then Momentum
It may help to realize that removing tolerations often creates immediate relief, even before goals are pursued.
We can make use of this by:
- prioritizing relief before ambition
- stabilizing the present before accelerating the future
Small Responses Create Big Leverage
Keep in mind that you don’t need to eliminate everything at once. One resolved issue often creates a cascade of clarity. So try this:
- Identify one toleration.
- Respond consciously.
- Complete, repair, renegotiate, or release.
Progress doesn’t come from intensity. It comes from completion.
Tolerations Are Where Choice Has Been Deferred
Leonard taught that tolerations exist where:
- a decision was postponed
- a boundary wasn’t set
- a conversation wasn’t had
Excelerated Response™ steps into that gap and restores choice. It asks: “What is the response this situation is asking for that I’ve been avoiding?”
Clearing Tolerations Strengthens Self-Trust
Resolving tolerations rebuilds self-integrity. Every time you respond instead of tolerating an issue, you reinforce:
- “I take myself seriously.”
- “I act on what I know.”
- “I don’t abandon myself.”
That’s not productivity. That’s self-respect.
Excelerated Response™ begins where tolerating ends. Not with blame. Not with pressure. But with a clear-eyed willingness to deal with what’s already draining you. Before you try to attract something new, stop tolerating what’s quietly pulling you backward.
Notice → Name → Choose → Respond
The Excelerated Response™ practice follows this model: Notice → Name → Choose → Respond. Here’s what it can look like in practice.
Notice
Pay attention to irritation, fatigue, avoidance, or low-grade stress. Tolerations often announce themselves emotionally before they show up logically. Ask:
o What keeps bothering me?
o What do I keep stepping around?
Name
Put words to it. Out loud or on paper. Naming turns background noise into a conscious signal.
Examples:
o “I’m tolerating this clutter.”
o “I’m tolerating this unfinished conversation.”
o “I’m tolerating this overcommitment.”
Choose
Ask a clarifying question: What response is this situation asking for that I’ve been avoiding? Then pick one. Choice restores agency.
o Fix it.
o Finish it.
o Renegotiate it.
o Delegate it.
o Release it.
o Accept it consciously (not tolerate it unconsciously).
Respond
Now, take one clear, concrete step. Not a perfect step. Not the final step. Just the next honest step. Response doesn’t require intensity. Just completion.
Spot Your Tolerations (A Self-Audit Tool)
This is meant as an inventory, not a guilt trip. A toleration is anything you are putting up with that drains your energy, even though you may have gotten used to it.
Read through the list slowly and notice what gets a quiet “yes.”
Physical / Environmental
Something broken, worn out, or unfinished in my home.
Clutter I mentally step around but never deal with.
A workspace that makes things harder than they need to be.
A recurring health issue I keep postponing.
Time / Commitments
Obligations I’ve outgrown but haven’t released.
A calendar that feels crowded instead of intentional.
Tasks I keep carrying forward week after week.
Saying yes when I really mean no.
Emotional / Relational
A conversation I keep avoiding.
Lingering resentment or unspoken frustration.
A relationship dynamic that drains more than it gives.
Guilt about something I “should have handled by now”.
Mental / Inner World
Repetitive self-talk that undermines me.
Decisions I’ve postponed indefinitely.
Open loops that quietly nag at me.
A sense of “this isn’t right” that I keep ignoring.
If several items stood out, don’t be discouraged. Awareness is the first response. You can’t respond to what you refuse to see.
Where Response Begins
Some of us don’t need a new goal right now. We need relief. And relief often doesn’t come from adding something new. It comes from dealing with what’s already been quietly asking for our attention.
Thomas Leonard was right: what you tolerate, you reinforce. But the good news is just as powerful: What you respond to, you release. Excelerated Response™ doesn’t require that you fix your whole life at once. It’s a way to reclaim energy, clarity, and self-trust, one response at a time. You don’t have to clear every toleration. Just choose one.
One thing you’re tired of putting up with.
One loose end you’re ready to tie off.
One small act of self-respect.
Because every time you respond instead of tolerate, you send yourself a quiet but powerful message: I matter. My energy matters. And I am willing to deal with what drains me. That’s where momentum begins. And that is embracing your Excelerated Life™!
What’s one small toleration you’re ready to stop living with?
What response has been waiting for you to choose it?
Share your experience by leaving a comment below.
Excelerated Response™ – dealing with the things you’ve been tolerating – is one practice for creating your Excelerated Life™, a life of flourishing and well-being, and a life of meaning, purpose, and service.
Read more about the Excelerated Life™.
Resources
Leonard, Thomas. The 28 Laws Of Attraction. New York: Scribner, 1998.
https://www.amazon.com/28-Laws-Attraction-Chasing-Success/dp/1416571035
This blog post includes research information and suggestions provided by ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI. The content was generated with AI assistance and is intended to provide information and guidance. Please note that the suggestions are not official statements from OpenAI. To learn more about ChatGPT and its capabilities, you can visit the OpenAI website.