Foundation Archives - Page 7 of 10 - The Excelerated Life

January 23, 2020November 14, 2023

Living Your Values

Act according to your values, not your feelings. Determine your values and let your actions come from them. That’s how you live your values.

The Geese Who Waited

It was late fall and a flock of geese sat patiently waiting for the right time to leave for their flight south.

“Let’s go now!” said one impatient goose.

“Oh, no!” the others replied. “It doesn’t feel right. We’ll know when it’s the right time.”

A few days passed and the weather got colder.

“Let’s leave today before we freeze,” some of the more timid geese said.

“No, we’ll wait,” the others said. “It doesn’t feel right. We’ll know when it’s the right time.”

More days passed. Then the geese woke to a crisp day with a deep blue sky and bright sunshine. “Now,” they said to each other. “This is the perfect time to fly.”

January 9, 2020October 24, 2020

Clear Up Annoyances To Progress Toward Your Goals

Small annoyances may have an effect on goal progress. Dealing with things we have been tolerating could improve our ability to make progress toward our goals by improving our ratio of positive to negative experiences.

How Jack Got A Promotion

Jack was unhappy at his job. His desk was a disorganized mess. He felt his skills were underutilized. His cubicle neighbor played loud music on her computer, which made it difficult for him to concentrate. His boss was constantly looking in on Jack to check the progress on his latest assignments. He wanted more responsibility and more pay but he wasn’t getting the recognition he deserved for his work. Jack’s goal was to get a job where he could contribute more – and get paid more – but months had passed and he had made little progress in his job search.

December 19, 2019October 24, 2020

Creating Positive Relationships

Developing and enjoying positive relationships is an important part of well-being — one of the 5 core concepts identified by Martin Seligman in his PERMA model of well-being theory. [Seligman] Positive relationships can even help us live longer, as shown by the evidence in the “Blue Zones”, areas of the world with the longest-lived peoples. [Kotifani]

The Fable Of The Porcupines

It was a frigid cold winter. The earth was frozen and many animals died from the cold. And so a group of porcupines agreed to huddle together that they might keep warm.

But as they lay up close to one another, the quills of each porcupine pricked and injured the ones they were closest to. After a while, the porcupines decided they couldn’t take this anymore, so they moved apart. And one by one, they began freezing to death.

October 31, 2019October 29, 2020

Choose Acceptance

Denying pain, hurt or disappointment brings suffering. Accepting reality is a necessary step toward change, if change is possible. To choose acceptance is to acknowledge that some things cannot be changed and to learn to be at peace about that.

A Missed Opportunity

On most Wednesdays around 11:00 AM, you can find my wife, Rebecca, and me doing our weekly grocery shopping at our local store. (Taking advantage of the senior discount, of course.) However, recently we had an unusual experience.

When we arrived at our usual entrance to the store’s parking area, we found that it was blocked by a police car. We drove towards the next entrance but we observed that all the entrances to the parking area were blocked by police.

We followed a couple of cars toward the back of the store and discovered that a back entrance was open and unguarded. So all three cars went in that way.

October 3, 2019October 29, 2020

Strengths In Adversity

Drawing on character strengths, and especially our Signature Strengths, gives us tools to deal with adversity and grow, even thrive (i.e., become “antifragile”), from the process. Using strengths in adversity provides three distinct techniques to positively deal with set backs, glitches, and failure.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But it almost kills you.” ~ Conan O’Brien

Opportunity Or Adversity: A Good Time To Use Your Strengths

I typically think about using my Signature Strengths to enhance positive emotions and experiences. But in addition to using them when life is going well, a person can draw on Signature Strengths during the hard times and difficulties of life. In fact, using strengths in adversity may be one of the most beneficial ways to live from your Strengths.

August 29, 2019October 19, 2020

Practicing Positivity

“Happiness” is much deeper than simply having pleasant feelings. Research by positive psychologists has identified exercises that increase positivity / happiness. Increased positivity, measured by subjective well-being, leads to flourishing, and a life of well-being, meaning, and purpose.

Dark Cloud Or Sunshine?

Negative Nellie and Positive Pollie (not their real names) are colleagues at a local business. Both are married. Each is raising a family. But there the similarities end.

Nellie’s daily commute is, as she describes it, “the drive from hell”. She is constantly getting cut off in traffic or stuck behind some moron who refuses to speed through a yellow light. Her horn and one specific finger get a workout every morning. By the time she gets to work, late as usual thanks to all those idiots out there, she is fuming.

At work, she carries a black cloud with her everywhere she goes. Co-workers avoid her; customers complain about her treatment of them. Nellie has been passed over twice for promotions and she is sure it’s because her boss has it out for her and besides, she works with a bunch of suck-ups who the boss is partial to.

At home, Nellis is furious about something a co-worker said. She yells at her kids for leaving a mess in the kitchen after school. Her husband helps with dinner then retreats to the TV. The kids rush up to their rooms to play video games and escape their mother’s wrath.

August 1, 2019November 2, 2020

Why You Need Positive Relationships

Creating positive relationships and nurturing our ties to other people are fundamental practices for flourishing and enhanced well-being. Simple practices have a large impact on improving our relationships. When we do them, our own happiness increases.

Once a month, my wife, Rebecca, and I join with other musicians we’ve met over the years for an acoustic jam session. We sit in a circle and each person takes a turn performing a song, while the rest of us join in. Depending on the size of the group, we go around the circle two or three times, then break to share the food we’ve all brought. After the break, we go back to the circle and go around once or twice more.

The group varies from month to month — we may have 12 or more or we may have only 5 or 6. We sing and talk and laugh and share a meal. By the end of the evening, I have connected to people with whom I have developed positive relationships over the years. I always leave in a more relaxed, peaceful state than when I arrived, especially if I’ve had a hectic, stressful week. In a word, I am happier.

July 11, 2019November 3, 2020

Add Values To Your Life

Knowing and acting from your values means you are living an authentic life. Defining you Valid Values and choosing actions based on them — not based on how you feel — is embracing the Excelerated Life™!

Learning A Lesson

As a young husband and father, I believed that family well-being was one of my highest values. However, over time I realized that although I said I valued my family, I was spending a large portion of my time at work. I routinely worked nine or 10 hours a day. On many Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, I was in the office. Slowly I came to realize that I was putting work and career success ahead of my family.

July 4, 2019November 6, 2020

Become Immaculate

Tolerating situations, things, and people drains your energy and keeps you from being your best self. Taking the time and effort to fix them plugs the energy drain and helps you learn to deal with things as they occur and to “step over nothing”.

Hiding A Stain

Imagine you throw a big party. Lots of good friends, good food and good wine. But sometime during the evening, someone spills a glass of wine on your freshly-cleaned carpet. You can’t deal with it right now, but you plan to see to it in the morning.

Morning comes and you are faced with the huge stain. You can’t deal with it right now, but you plan to see to it right after work.

You come home, tired from a day of hard work. You walk in the door and see the big stain. You can’t deal with it right now – you’re way too tired – but you’ll see to it soon. Meanwhile, you cover the stain with a throw rug.

May 23, 2019October 17, 2019

Let Go Of Fear

Is Fear standing between you and your goal? Move toward the fear. Take tiny steps and you can overcome the obstacle of fear that is keeping you from your goal.

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Limited By Fear

I don’t know when I picked up the fear of speaking in front of people. I remember when I was a young teenager leading Scout meetings as a senior patrol leader and enjoying it. And I remember taking a turn in English class leading the vocabulary lessons and feeling quite competent. But somewhere along the way, by the time I finished high school, I developed a paralyzing fear of standing up and speaking in front of a crowd.

How bad was the fear? Well, I selected my initial major in college based on the fact that it was one of the few that did not require a public speaking class. My fear limited my choices.