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The Next You

It’s useful to have role models to guide us, but don’t waste time trying to become your role model. Instead, focus on being the next you . . . the Best You.

The Next Bob Dylan

What do you want to be and to do? Some people say things like “I want to be the next Oprah” or “the next Hemingway” or “the next Tiger Woods”. There is a different way. How about being the next You?

When I was about 12 years old, I had an experience that had a major impact on my life. I heard my first Bob Dylan song. This was my stepping stone for going from childhood to adolescence. Dylan’s songs and his singing had a lasting influence on me.

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Develop Your “Weaker” Strengths

Use your Signature Strengths but don’t neglect your lesser strengths — there is potential for growth.

A Journaling Practice

Almost every morning, after I spend some minutes in meditation, I write in my journal. I list my “Eulogy Virtues” – the things I want to be remembered for. Next I write my “Valid Values” – my highest values and the ones I want to structure my life around. Then I write out my Signature Strengths – the character strengths that I scored highest for in the VIA Strengths Survey. Writing them down helps to imprint them in my conscious and subconscious mind. It helps me consider them as I plan my day.

This practice helps to make using my Signature Strengths almost automatic. However, while I want to make good use of these top character strengths, I don’t want to neglect the others that don’t come as naturally to me . . . especially when they could be beneficial in helping me grow and develop.

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What’s Holding You Back?

“Show me someone who keeps getting in your way, and I’ll show you someone who keeps making excuses.” ~ Note From The Universe — Mike Dooley

What Is Holding You Back?

What’s holding you back? What is keeping you from reaching your goal, fulfilling your purpose, and creating your best life? Given the opening quote, you probably suspect that this is a loaded question and you may be reluctant to trot out your usual litany of excuses, er, umm, I mean “reasons”.

Don’t get me wrong. Nobody that I’m aware of follows a straight, open, easy path to success. (If they do, then they’ve set their sights too low. They should aim higher.) All of us encounter obstacles, bumps and potholes, detours, blocked roads and locked doors. That’s part of why we are here and one of the big reasons for having goals in the first place. It’s called “Learning”.

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Maintenance Required

Your body is the vehicle you use to traverse Life. Every vehicle performs more smoothly and over a longer period of time when it is well maintained. Small, consistent actions, repeated over time, lead to remarkable results.

Neglect

My first car was a 1962 Ford Fairlane; blue, with bucket seats. I don’t remember how much it cost – I paid for it working part time as a bag boy at Winn Dixie. I loved that car but I drove it hard — teenage driver. And I never did anything to maintain it. Never changed the oil. Never checked belts or hoses. Rarely checked the air in the tires . . . unless one got really low. I did not take care of the car and it didn’t last very long.

It required several years and getting stuck with broken down cars for me to learn the importance of maintenance – doing the small but important tasks to keep the car running smoothly. But I eventually got the lesson. Every machine performs better longer when it is properly maintained and cared for. And this includes you and me.

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Build Your Positivity

Positive emotions have a long-lasting effect on your psychological well-being and lead to flourishing – the ability to thrive and grow. Not only do they feel good in the moment, but they are worth cultivating as a way toward improved well-being.

“Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative.

“Positivity transforms us for the better. This is the second core truth about positive emotions. By opening our hearts and minds, positive emotions allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being.” [Fredrickson 2009]

Broaden and Build

Barbara Fredrickson was one of the first Positive Psychologists I encountered. Martin Seligman referenced her work a number of times in Authentic Happiness and described the profound impact she had on his thinking about positive emotion. She was the first recipient of the $100,000 Templeton Positive Psychology Prize, awarded for the best work in Positive Psychology by a scientist under 40. [Seligman] Based on Seligman’s reference, I immediately purchased and read Barbara Fredrickson’s book, Positivity. It was an excellent introduction for me to the concept of building the skills that help you flourish.

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How Purpose Leads To Accomplishment

What did you come here to do? How could you do more of it?

A Late Bloomer

I am a late bloomer. I did not follow a straight path to success or happiness or fulfillment; as a matter of fact, I am still walking that path. But over the years I have gotten closer to what those things mean for me.

My journey has been a circuitous one. I went about life for many years not really concerned about what my “purpose” was, or even if I had one. Like many people, I kept busy with work, helping to raise a family, being a husband and father, dealing with aging parents — all the every day stuff that can fill our lives.

I didn’t take much time to contemplate the larger questions: What did I come here to accomplish? What is my Job (with a capital “J”)?

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Sharpen Your Focus

In a world of growing distractions, it becomes increasingly important to be able to “go deep”, to ignore the “shiny objects” and focus on the things that are truly important to you.

Get The Big Rocks In First

A professor brought a wide-mouthed glass jar to class and set it on a table. From under the table, he brought out a bucket of large rocks. He began placing rocks into the glass jar until no more would fit.

He asked the class, “Is the jar full?”

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Make A Plan And Begin

The setting and pursuing of goals is a “happiness tool”, shown through research to increase positivity. You need only to make a plan and get started.

Flight Plan

When a pilot steps into the cockpit, she has a definite destination in mind and she has created a flight plan to get her plane and her passengers to the right location. However she never flies straight to her objective. Due to various elements beyond her control — weather patterns, cross winds, updrafts, downdrafts, storms, and the earth’s magnetism — she will be off course up to 90% of the time during the flight. Using feedback from her instruments and air traffic control, the pilot and crew make many adjustments during the course of the flight. But in the end they land at the chosen airport, usually within minutes of the scheduled arrival time. The flight plan is essential in aiding the pilot and her crew to reach their goal — the intended destination — successfully. [1]

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An Orderly Life

“As within, so without.” Our external world is a reflection of our internal world. If your external world is peaceful and ordered, then your inner life is peaceful and ordered. If your inner life is chaotic, your external world is likely to be a mess.

An Experiment In Decluttering

A number of years ago, I devised an experiment. In an effort to remove clutter and begin living an orderly life, I decided to get rid of — toss, give away, or recycle — two items every day. And for 60 days, that’s what I did.

I kept a record of what I cleared out, which I still have on my computer. Analyzing it, I see that about 40 percent of the items – 47 – went to Goodwill and 41 items were tossed in the garbage. The rest were recycled. The most items I discarded were books (22) and clothes (19). Other items were memorabilia of various sorts, old medications, and just plain trash – broken things, old receipts, outdated product manuals, and some papers I could no longer identify.

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Why You Need A Reserve

To reach the peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy (self-actualization), you must first get the basic needs met. After you build and keep a reserve in these areas, then you are able to focus on achieving your full potential.

Out Of Gas

A few months after I got my driver’s license, I drove to a neighboring town to apply for a summer job. On my way back to school, the car quit running, slowed down and came to a stop on the side of the road. It was out of gas.

I had seen that the gas was low but foolishly thought I could drive till I made it back home. Now I was stuck.

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